I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
