3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
