drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
