So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
