What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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