3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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