You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
