i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
