I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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