i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
