stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
