I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
