I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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