Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I forget how to act sober
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
