i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
