I CAN MOONWALK!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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