508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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