My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
