yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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