Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
