I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
