Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
