Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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