so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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