It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
