i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
