chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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