We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
