Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
