yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
