you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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