Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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