Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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