Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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