btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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