Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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