I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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