just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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