accomplished twins. life is a go
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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