I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
