i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
