...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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