your thong is hanging out like whoa
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
