You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
