Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
