new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
