Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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