I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
