The maid of honor just puked.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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