since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
