Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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