Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
