don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
