but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
