Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
