It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
