You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
