More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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