i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
