bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
