it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
